Nobody Knows What I Feel

Actually I wrote this note on the 17th of August (If I'm not mistaken). Nobody knows what I feel. It began by this week, I stay in my home not just laying and loittering or hibernating. I help my mother to handle the household activities. I do the shopping in the market every market day. I also help her to clean the house, to wash and to cook. Yes, we don’t have anyone to help us (rewang ing Javanese). I’m a little bit irritated when someone looked down on me (or maybe just my feeling) when I told *** that I was sick. I was sick on Monday, I don’t want it because it means that I couldn’t help my mom. I couldn’t do no anything, I just lay on my bed and doing nothing. My mom told me to break my fasting but I didn’t want. Alhamdulillah, I was better on the next day but still I just did the easy thing to help.  At night I had a message to confirm something but I told *** the truth and the worst thing was *** looked like that *** didn’t believe in me. I was so dissapointed I wanted to tell *** that “hey, who wants to be sick? I never want to be sick coz because of that sick  I couldn’t do anything”. I know that now I am easier to be sick, I never want this. I also don’t know why. I want to be healthy so that I keep my want to have a break of the organization so that I can do the check up, and still there is a bad words about me (so sad :( ).